


I Saw the Shadow (Of Your Halo)

by getgeekywithit



Series: Songs to Darcy [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy is a SHIELD agent, Drama, F/M, dealing with death, sort of follows continuity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 14:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2113770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/getgeekywithit/pseuds/getgeekywithit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She didn’t necessarily have any business knowing about the secret organization, but had more stumbled into it through her adventures in learning her way around the world of hacking. She turned out to be better than was good for her, and the information she’d found late one night when she’d been running mostly on Monster and sheer will alone had been nothing important to international security; just some documents that were so dry she’d closed out of them almost immediately. There were better things she had to do anyway. She’d been putting off a couple of fake ID requests for a few days now.</p><p>How was she supposed to know one action would have such a huge effect on her life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Saw the Shadow (Of Your Halo)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, it's been awhile. This is part of my series of [mostly] unrelated one-shots about Darcy using songs as prompts. This one was prompted by Heaven's Too Far by Meg and Dia, which is also where the title comes from.

The first time Darcy Lewis ever heard about SHIELD had been at the young age of seventeen.

 

She didn’t necessarily have any business knowing about the secret organization, but had more stumbled into it through her adventures in learning her way around the world of hacking. She turned out to be better than was good for her, and the information she’d found late one night when she’d been running mostly on Monster and sheer will alone had been nothing important to international security; just some documents that were so dry she’d closed out of them almost immediately. There were better things she had to do anyway. She’d been putting off a couple of fake ID requests for a few days now.

 

Needless to say that night had been the last thing on her mind when she was called out of class nearly a week later and led into an office that held her principle and a fairly non-descript man in a suit who held himself with a definite air of authority.

 

Darcy did not miss the outline of a holster under his jacket. She did her absolute best to look unimpressed, sitting down without being invited to. It was obvious from the look on the man’s face that she wasn’t fooling him.

 

“Miss Lewis, this is Agent Coulson.” her principal informed her carefully. “He’s got some questions for you and it would be nice if you could answer without your usual wit.”

 

She was able to manage a smirk for him at least. That was mostly because there was nothing the man could do that scared her. He’d been trying since the moment she dragged herself into his school in the ninth grade. “You take the fun out of everything as always, Mr. K.”

 

He shook his head, giving a long suffering sigh and looking at the agent. “Please scare some sense into her. She could use it.”

 

The man—Agent Coulson, gave a swift nod, a slight smile tugging at the edge of his lips. “I’ll see what I can do. Now if you’ll step out?” he asked. Mr. K nodded, giving Darcy one last look that clearly said _‘please behave yourself’_ before stepping out of the office.

 

Darcy watched him go before looking back at the agent. “What do the feds want with me? ‘Cause if this is about my mom, I haven’t talked to her in more than a year and a half, so I can’t help with whatever she’s done now.” she spoke nonchalantly, as if talking about her career criminal mother didn’t tighten her throat. Both of her parents had started out pretty crappy, young and clueless with no particular desire to look out for a kid. However, where her dad had gotten better with practice, and was, in Darcy’s opinion, the best fucking dad out there now, her mother had long since run off on them. Darcy had been six, just old enough to remember and feel the sting of being unwanted. Over the years she always popped up when she’d managed to get herself into trouble, taking advantage of the fact that Darcy’s father would always love her and Darcy had a serious complex over proving herself to be good enough.

 

Truth be told, she’d never done anything bad enough to warrant federal attention, but Darcy wouldn’t put it past her.

 

“This isn’t about your mother Miss Lewis.” Agent Coulson told her. “This is very much about you and your hobby of hacking into classified servers.”

 

Darcy blinked, then said that only thing that came to mind. “Well, fuck.”

 

* * *

 

That had been Darcy’s first run in with SHIELD, and more importantly, Philip J. Coulson. He hadn’t attempted to intimidate her much, hadn’t threatened her with jail or anything like that. He’d only told her that while her breech had been very helpful in them finding a hole in their security, they would appreciate it if she stayed away from their servers. That was all. He hadn’t even told her to stop hacking altogether.

 

As much as Darcy would never admit it, that had indeed been what had convinced her to comply with the request. She continued to hone her skills, but very consciously worked to stay away from servers and sites that looked to link back to Phil Coulson and the organization he worked for.

 

* * *

 

Her next interaction with SHIELD, she was eighteen and just graduated from high school. Literally. Her graduation ceremony had ended only a couple of hours before. About half of her graduating class was crowded into a diner rented out just for them to celebrate with insane amounts of food and soda and music, getting in one last memory of high school before they all started down some drastically different paths.

 

How he’d gotten in, much last snagged a table in the back corner and managed to go unnoticed, Darcy wasn’t sure. Of course, he did work for a secret international spy organization, she really shouldn’t have been that surprised. She watched him for a few moments while he pretended not to notice her doing so, until she made her way over to the back booth, sliding in so that she was facing away from the room. “You do the creeper thing at a lot of graduation parties?” she asked bluntly.

 

He raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think I could possibly have a child graduating today?”

 

Darcy snorted. “Maybe somewhere else, but definitely not here.” When he gave her a questioning look, she continued with a roll of her eyes. “Agent, if you haven’t noticed from the fact that my entire class fits in this not very large building, it’s small. I’ve been going to school with more than half these kids since kindergarten and I’ve met their parents. You are not one of them.”

 

That seemed to earn Agent Coulson’s approval, or at least an agreeing nod from him. “Fair enough, Miss Lewis. I’m here to talk to you. Is there some place a bit less populated where that might happen?”

 

For a moment she just watched him through narrowed eyes, suspicious of what he might want. All he did was give her that blank, bland agent face in return. She could either trust him or she couldn’t, and he wasn’t going to help her decide one way or the other. Thinking back on their previous encounter however, and how he’d made no threat against her and had not tried to use fear tactics to get her to obey his request, she decided he wasn’t the kind to lure someone out to some remote location to off them. Plus, she’d hadn’t done anything to require being ‘off’-ed.

 

The location wasn’t that remote anyway. She led him out to the alley behind the diner. She’d spent the last two years of her high school career working at the place; no one looked twice when she led someone out the back.

 

“It’s a small town Agent. Security cameras aren’t a big thing.” she pointed out knowingly as she watched the man look around the alley.

 

He gave her a self-deprecating smile. “Force of habit.” he reached into his jacket and pulled out a thick, folded set of papers. “Here.” he extended his arm to Darcy and only after a moment of hesitation she took them. When she looked between the papers and the agent, he made a gesture for her to go ahead and read.

 

“…This looks like a job offer.” she said slowly, glancing up at him. “Why does this look like a job offer?”

 

“Because it is one of sorts. SHIELD wants you on the condition that you earn your bachelors, and further down the road, your masters degree. If you read through that further, we are even offering to cover what your financial aid does not.”

 

“I’m going to Culver; that’s a lot of money.”

 

“We’re aware.” 

 

“What could you guys possibly want me for that it’s worth dropping that much money on me?” she flipped through the papers, skimming the words, looking for the big catch, the big ‘but’ that would make this not at all worth it. There were catches of course, but nothing that looked world shattering. She’d have to go through what sounded like a pretty intensive training while she was in school, there was a possibility she might be put on minor assignments before she graduated, she would be given a story she was allowed to tell her father and friends that she needed to stick with, so on and so forth.

 

“When it can be managed, SHIELD prefers to get their staff before they need to be retrained; especially the ones who’ve proven they could be highly valuable.”

 

She looked up at him through hair that fell into her eyes. “Highly valuable?” she repeated, and there was no mistaking the disbelieving tone in her voice.

 

“Miss Lewis, at the age of seventeen and as  hacker just beginning, you showed enough talent to break into SHIELD’s servers. Admittedly it was a weak point in our security, but not that weak. We have kept track of your activities since then and you’ve only gotten better. In school, though it’s very obvious that you don’t apply much of your attention there, yet you’ve gotten exemplary grades, and I would guess the only reason you didn’t do better is because you didn’t quite care too. I will admit your attitude at times has proven to be somewhat troublesome but it takes all kinds and SHIELD has its fair share of bad attitudes. You’ll get to meet them if you accept this offer.”

 

“And if I don’t?”

 

Agent Coulson shrugged. “We’ll keep track of you for a few years, just to ensure you don’t fall into anything to bad, whether by choice or by force, but we will leave you be.”

 

“You’re being awfully forthcoming with the information.”

 

“I have no reason to lie.”

 

“There is always a reason to lie.” she informed him, the bitter note in her voice indicating that she may’ve been lied to a few too many times in her life. He didn’t try to argue with her, which she liked. “Can I have some time to think about this?”

 

“Of course.” he pulled a card from his pocket. “Call me when you’ve made your choice either way, or if you have any questions.”

 

She took the card and stared at it for she wasn’t sure how long. When she looked up however, he was already turning out of the alley.

 

* * *

 

She took them up on their offer. Just the idea of having someone else paying for her schooling was alluring enough to begin with. After all, her father was a carpenter, he didn’t make very much, and they never saw money from her mother. She had what she’d saved up working at the diner, but now that could go towards a crappy car and not just a single tuition payment. She’d told her dad she’d gotten some fancy scholarship; it sucked to be lying to him, but he had looked so very proud of his daughter.

 

Of course, she did _some_ checking before she called Coulson [not Agent anymore, just Coulson. How did that happen?]. She figured if they were making offers, she had the right to look into them. While some of the files she had dug up were… unnerving, none of them proved to be about senseless violence or violence in the name of a bad cause. And that was what she needed to know. That she wasn’t going to step into this and be stepping in on the wrong side.

 

Before she knew it she was at school, travelling every other weekend for training, which they weren’t kidding about being intensive. Physically, she wasn’t in the best shape, but she was starting to get there. Mentally she was the head of her training class. Coulson had been right, the only reason she hadn’t been valedictorian, the only reason she hadn’t blown Grace Mark’s [the girl who had been valedictorian] grades out of the water, was because she hadn’t been inclined to.

 

* * *

 

When she was twenty and spending her spring break at one of the SHIELD field offices, Darcy hung up a call with her father and proceeded to have a breakdown.

 

It wasn’t as if anything was going too badly—the main portion of her training was finished and she was officially a junior agent, Coulson was her immediate superior; which was something almost no junior agent got. At some point she’d made friends with some of the senior agents and staff, particularly the ones that buzzed in the Coulson bubble [that was what they’d called it in training, between sessions in the locker rooms when all the other trainees and imagined where their lives in SHIELD would lead. It was a bubble they all wanted to be in]. She had an ongoing Nerf war with Barton and she was at the point where she could speak to Romanov without needing to be guided through the conversation.

 

She was kicking ass at school—at the rate she was going she would finish a semester early. She didn’t get out to see her dad as much as she wanted; she was an entire country away from Oregon after all.

 

That was what the phone call had been about, sort of.

 

“I’ll make it out there soon Dad, I promise.” she had said. “With work and school I’m just really busy.”

 

“I worry about you kiddo. You’re going to work yourself right into an early grave at this rate.”

 

“When you were my age you were raising a kid, and I know I was a handful. If you can do that, then this is a breeze.”

 

“You’re not me Darcy.”

 

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I know I’m not; I’m much cooler.”

 

Her father had chuckled, and it felt so good to hear his laugh. “Yeah, yeah. Listen Darce, I wanted to tell you I’ve been talking with your Mom.”

 

Just like that the smile that had been in place fell, and she was glad her father couldn’t see it. Jonah Lewis really did love Melanie Fletcher, no matter how often she hurt him. It killed Darcy to watch it every time, but she knew there wasn’t much she could do to stop it.

 

And that was the kicker, wasn’t it? Here she was, working for the secret organization that protected the world. _She was helping keep the world safe_ , even if she only had a minuscule part in that. Yet, she couldn’t protect her father from getting his heart broken again.

 

She finished up the call, making another promise in the end that she would be out to see him soon. She didn’t say she wasn’t sure when soon was, since now almost all of her weekends were spent at SHIELD. Hell she was looking at online classes next semester so she could spend even more time there. Once the line was dead, Darcy just couldn’t help it. The tears flooded without her consent.

 

It couldn’t be one of those silent breakdowns, where the tears just flowed but no sounds came to make it obvious what was happening to her. No, there were huge, body shaking sobs and hiccups and just _so many tears_. She was grateful the junior agent dorms were currently empty. They had them at most of the field offices, but often the handlers with junior agents were not in the same place as Coulson. It mean she rarely had to share the dorms with many people, if any at all. This week there were two others, but they were out; busy while she had some down time.

 

Darcy hadn’t heard the door open; she’d just curled on her side on the bed facing away from the entrance and let the sobs take over. It wasn’t until the bed dipped beside her that she knew she wasn’t alone. She rolled over to see who was sitting beside her so silently. When Darcy saw Coulson’s face, it just started up a whole new round. She curled around her superior in a way that was entirely unprofessional and she didn’t give two shits about it. He hesitated, but eventually put hand on her shoulder, rubbing small circles.

 

It was comforting, even though Coulson didn’t say a thing, didn’t try to tell her whatever was wrong would be alright, didn’t try to comfort her when he didn’t know the problem as so many people were prone to do. How long it went on, Darcy wasn’t sure. There eventually came a point when the sobs did taper off and she was able to slow her breathing to something that wouldn’t make her sick.

 

They remained silent for several minutes, until Darcy took  deep breath and pushed herself up into an upright sitting position. “Are we going to have to talk about this now?” she asked, exhausted.

 

“I won’t make you.” And there it was, his tone was no different from his everyday voice, yet it was so comforting, the lack of judgment in his words.

 

The words spilled out. “Does it get easier? Being capable of helping the world but not even being able to help the people who are important?”

 

A minute passed, and she wasn’t sure Coulson would answer. Then, he sighed. “Your father?”

 

“Talking to my mother. My selfish, criminal, constantly hurting my father and me mother.” she paused. “And I just miss him. I feel like I’m letting him down. I’m not going to be there when she inevitably hurts him again.”

 

“There is always a chance she won’t.”

 

Darcy glared at the older man. “Don’t lie to me Coulson. You haven’t before, don’t start now.”

 

He pushed her hair back out of her face and met her eyes. “The truth is even if you had no part in SHIELD, this is not something you would be able to protect your father from. The lying, the long time away, that unfortunately does get easier.”

 

“Unfortunately?” she questioned softly.

 

“Would you celebrate a growing cynicism toward life?” he asked back just as quietly

 

“Guess not.” she leaned against him [again, completely unprofessional but Darcy. Did. Not. Care.] and sighed. “I’m already pretty cynical, I’m not sure if there is anything in the world that can make me more jaded.”

 

“You’d be surprised, Agent Lewis.”

 

* * *

 

The day before her next weekend planned to be spent at SHIELD, Darcy received two plane tickets in her dorm mailbox. One leaving for Portland Thursday evening—the time she would normally be driving out of state to work—and one bringing her back Monday morning, the same time she would normally start he drive home.

 

She called Coulson of course. “Coulson.”

 

“Sir?” That one word had every question in it. She only ever used the term when she was unsure of how else to deal with her superior, or she was feeling particularly surly. It tended to be neck and neck, which reason she had for using it.

 

He knew, of course he knew. “You haven’t missed a day since you’ve started, Agent Lewis. We’re all entitled to downtime, and you’ve long since beaten Barton’s record of not taking days off.”

 

Darcy snorted. “His record of all of a month and a half? It’s not hard, Sir. What, I was getting close to cracking yours?”

 

Coulson didn’t laugh, but at the same time she could hear laughter in his words, if that made any sense at all. “Oh no, Agent. It would take you years to beat that record.”

 

“Yeah well, you’re getting a head start by doing this. You’re sneaky like that.” a pause, then, “Thank you, Sir.”

 

“Enjoy your time with your father, Agent. Remember there will be times where you’ll want to see him, but you can’t.”

 

She looked down at the tickets, nodding even though he couldn’t see her. She didn’t say anything else, and the line cut out a moment later.

 

* * *

 

She’s twenty-one when she gets her first real assignment.

 

“This woman is an _Astrophysicist_ Coulson. I’m a poly-sci major who’s good with computers. There’s no way she’s going to pick me for this internship.”

 

“You know you’re more than that, let us worry about how you get the internship though. You focus on the assignment. We just need you to watch her and see if her work has merit, if she’s someone we should be recruiting.”

 

Darcy sighed and leaned back in the chair she was seated across from Coulson in. “I can do that Coulson, don’t insult me. I just wanna know why Natasha got Tony Stark and I’ve got the middle of nowhere, USA.”

 

“Agent Romanov gets first pick of assignments. You’re welcome to take it up with her.”

 

“You want me to die. Only someone who wants me to die would suggest I do that. And here I thought you liked me Sir, thought I was one of your favorites. Right after Barton.”

 

Her words were joking of course. It was the only way to settle her nerves over the fact that in less than a month, she would be on her first assignment, mostly alone save for the times she needed to report in.

 

“Don’t be mistaken, Darcy.” her head snapped up at the use of her first name. Coulson never used her first name. He never used anyone’s first name. “I very much do like you. And you can most certainly do this, and do it well. Now, do you have any questions, Darcy?”

 

She opened and closed her mouth, not sure if there was anything to say to that. A blush tinted her cheeks as she shook her head.

 

* * *

 

She reports in by phone every two or three days. It’s probably a little much, but Coulson is thorough and this was more than most junior agents would be assigned with supervision close by, let alone without.

 

It was usually late at night, on the roof of the lab if she’d finally gotten Jane to fall asleep in the trailer, or in her bunk in the trailer if Jane was pulling a late night. No matter what she spoke softly, mostly telling Coulson of her day to day activities. It only took a few calls for that to get to be repetitive, it was really no wonder her check-ins started to branch out into other topics. It’s lonely, out there with just Jane, and Darcy is pretty sure Coulson knew she was feeling that way, which is why he indulged it.

 

“Captain America or Batman?”

 

“Captain America.”

 

“Captain America or Superman?”

 

“Captain America.”

 

“Captain America or Doctor Doom?”

 

“I’m not dignifying that with an answer, Agent Lewis.”

 

She’d laughed. “Captain America has to lose in a fight to someone, _Sir_. Everyone has someone who’s better than them.”

 

“And if I were to suggest that there was someone who could beat your favorite musician in contest?”

 

“As if!” she laughed out. “Yo-Yo Ma can be beaten by none.”

 

A silence fell between them until  Coulson asked, his tone a bit surprised, “The cellist?”

 

Darcy was thankful that he couldn’t see the beam the lit up her face. “Hell yes the cellist. I’m proud of you for knowing that, Coulson.” she read the silence that followed her statement easily. “And you’re surprised _I_ know who that is.”

 

“Only slightly.” her superior admitted, and if she were talking to anyone else, she would’ve said he sounded a bit sheepish.

 

“No worries, it’s not generally expected. I played cello for like seven years though. Only reason I stopped was because the school district cut the program.”

 

“That’s a shame.”

 

“Yeah, I was pretty kick ass.”

 

“It would be interesting to hear you play one day.”

 

“Play your cards right and you might get to Coulson.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s at her first in person check in that things start to change.

 

As a part of her internship, Darcy worked most days, with one day a week off. Once a month however, she got a weekend.

 

A few days before that weekend, she was in the lab with Jane when it came up. “So what are you going to do for your big weekend off? Hang out at the gas station?”

 

Darcy snorted at the scientist’s sarcastic words. She liked Jane. Sure, the woman very easily got caught up in work and forgot about things like food and sleep, but she had the ability to laugh at herself and she didn’t get annoyed at Darcy’s lack of knowledge in her corner of science. Or the student’s somewhat chatter box nature when she was bored. Or the ridiculously off the wall variety of music she insisted on playing in the lab, even if some of the songs obviously made Jane cringe.

 

Was her work something SHIELD wanted though? That was a matter Darcy needed to talk to Coulson about. Jane’s work certainly had merit, but it was 98% theoretical. SHEILD could definitely work with it and get it to a practical level, but it would depend on how long they were willing the wait to get it to that level.

 

“I’m driving out to Tucson.”

 

“Arizona?” Jane asked and Darcy nodded. “That’s a long trip. What’s out there?”

 

“Family.” Darcy said automatically. It was almost always what she told people not close enough to her to know the only family she had was her father and an aunt who lived in Washington.

 

“I thought you were from Oregon?”

 

“…They’re close enough to be family.” she probably should’ve just told Jane whoever she was seeing were cousins or something like that, but this was close enough to the truth. Barton was the only big brother she was ever going to get in life, and she didn’t even mind it, because the older agent did a better job of it than most actual big brothers did. Natasha wasn’t really a sister, but she could pass for the aunt who wouldn’t take anyone’s shit. And Phil…

 

Darcy trailed off in her head, and stopped what she was doing. Partially because even in her head he was always, always, always Coulson. Phil was familiar, personal. He called her Darcy, had called her Darcy a few times since that first occurrence of it, but she didn’t think that street went both ways. Also though, she didn’t know how Phil—how Coulson fit into the little boxes she was stuffing all the rest of SHIELD personnel.

 

She shook her head and put the confused thoughts in a box to shove to the back of her mind, where it dwelled quietly for the next couple days. As she got ready to leave while the sun was just rising Friday morning, they tried to wiggle back to the forefront of her brain, but she firmly shut the lid on them. There was nothing she could do to resolve them, so it would be best to ignore them. 

 

It was a six hour drive to Tucson, one she passed by with her iPod plugged in and her road trip playlist playing. Never in Darcy’s life had she thought the sight of a SHIELD field office would ease so much tension from her body. After all, SHIELD and her work typically just stood for a never ending supply of stress. Of course, SHIELD had Coulson. And he stood for quite the opposite; for calm in the eye of a tornado. Darcy was pretty sure if she stayed close enough to him, she could experience the calm more than the crazy.

 

“Your favorite agent has arrived!” Darcy declared as she threw the door to his temporary office open. “And oh my god I never thought I’d be happy to have a gun on my hip again. I like the taser Coulson, but it’s just not the same.”

 

She was babbling, but that was okay, because she saw a smile flicker on the older agent’s face. Anything that could make Coulson smile, even for a few seconds, had to be okay. She walked further into the office—it was his for the weekend so they could meet and talk, but he was currently based out in Malibu dealing with Tony Stark so it empty of anything Coulson-like. Except for the actual Coulson of course.  And he was the same as ever. Suit, tie, pen in hand and paperwork in front of him. She flopped into a seat in front of the desk and grinned. “How’s Malibu treating you? Natasha maim Stark yet?’

 

“Just fine, Agent Lewis. And Stark has been unable to exceed Agent Romanov’s maximum tolerance levels.”

 

She smirked. “It’s only a matter of time. I will win the pool, just sayin’.”

 

“I’m going to pretend I’ve heard of no such pool and just ask you to report.”

 

“Whatever you say.” there really wasn’t much to fill him in on; she’d talked to him just two nights before, but she did so anyway. The conversation branched out from there, into her questions, and a debate as to how patient SHIELD would be when it came to turning theoretical work into a real thing.

 

“How receptive do you think Dr. Foster will be if we do make an offer?” he asked her eventually.

 

Darcy shrugged. “It’s funding, which is something she has very little of. We’re talking minuscule. But this work is her baby, and she’ll run for the hills if she thinks you’re going to abuse it in anyway. Well, first she’ll tell you to stick your offer where the sun don’t shine then run for it.”

 

He was amused by her choice of wording, even if he tried to hide it. Darcy had had years to get used to his facial twitches and figure out what they mean.  “What do you believe would be the best method to earn her trust, Darcy?”

 

It was an odd question, mostly because the opinions of junior agents weren’t taken into account of things like that. She looked at him for a moment, but she saw complete and utter seriousness in his eyes as he watched her. “Jane respects honesty. And being treated like an equal.” These sounded like they should’ve been common sense factors, but really, in SHIELD they weren’t. Darcy had gotten such treatment when she’d been recruited, however she’d heard the stories from other agents in her class and knew not all recruiters took the same path as Coulson.  “You’d have to present her with some kind of list of benefits that make taking this path worth it. Especially since we’d be mostly likely be at the very least limiting what she can publish; if not prohibiting it all together. If you can show her that SHIELD has really put some thought into it, into making her happy with the arrangement and that we’re not going to just treat her like some property, I think she’d be willing to at least give it a shot.”

 

“So treat her like we treated you.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement, but Darcy nodded anyway.

 

“She’s not a surly 18-year-old though, so there’s that at least.”

 

“And she’s not a still surly 21-year-old, so there’s that too.” Coulson deadpanned.

 

She tried to glare at him, but after a moment her frown turned into a smirk, and then broke into laughter. “Yeah, I’m probably more trouble than I’m worth, but at least I keep things interesting.”

 

Coulson cleared his throat, meeting her eyes seriously. “You are most certainly worth the trouble you bring Darcy, and if anyone in SHIELD tells you otherwise, just send them to me.”

 

That put her at a loss for words, which was of course a rarity for Darcy. She hoped that her cheeks weren’t turning pink, but from the way they warmed she was pretty sure that was a lost cause. “Even Black Widow?” she asked, trying to regain her footing.

 

“You will have to sort your issues out with Agent Romanov on your own.” he shot back quickly.

 

“Will you at least tell Barton I’m your favorite? He’s under the delusion that he is.” she said, her confidence growing. Coulson smiled slightly and shook his head.

 

“Go take that gun you’re so happy about having back and get some target practice in, Agent Lewis.”

 

She made a face at him, but stood. “It’s okay if you don’t want to admit it Sir, I already know it’s the truth.” she threw back over her shoulder as she left the office.

 

* * *

 

Then Thor happened.

 

Yes, she tasered him. “He was freaking me out!” she had yelled at Jane. And it was the truth, or halfway there at least. Closer was the fact that he was an unknown, hostile entity, and SHIELD had very specific guidelines about how to handle those. She would not blow her cover though, fuck that. No other junior agent got to have this kind of experience on their first job.

 

Of course she had to report it to Coulson. And of course she had to act surprised when he and the rest of SHIELD showed up in the usual men in black manner that they had. She honestly was kinda irked by the confiscated iPod though.  She could take it up with her boss later. In the mean time, she took her cues from Coulson and pretended she knew nothing of the organization that took over their lives. Agents that she trained with, joked with, treated her like a stranger and she treated them the same back.

 

Jane got so preoccupied with Thor, it was easy enough to sneak away to make phone calls to check in, and she knew without being told that it was what Coulson would want.

 

“Are you okay?” she blinked, not exactly expecting those words from the agent when he picked up her call, a slight tinge of worry in his tone.

 

“I-I’m fine. Why?”

 

“Thor came tonight. Tried to pull the hammer out. It didn’t work. He plowed through quite a few of our men though. Barton started rooting for him. He hasn’t hurt you, has he?”

 

“No way. He’s been a perfect gentleman, promise.”

 

“Good.” Again, she was surprised. There was a sharp note in that one word, proof of a protective streak he shouldn’t have towards an agent.

 

“Sir?” she asked softly.

 

“I will not allow anyone to hurt you and get away with it Darcy. I could never allow that.”

 

Darcy swallowed, her heartbeat speeding up and her face flushing. She was very glad that he wasn’t in the same room as the senior agent. “I—I should go to sleep. I’ll check in the next time I can sneak away.”

 

“Of course. Be careful, Agent Lewis.”

 

“Stay safe, sir.”

 

* * *

 

 

The Destroyer. Oh, the Destroyer. Darcy thought she could face anything without flinching, until that moment. She only let herself freeze up for a minute though, before her training kicked in and she started yelling, directing civilians. There was one terrifying moment when she was directly in its path, but she pulled herself away, let Thor and the Warriors Three handle it, because she knew her limitations, and this sure as hell was one of them.

 

Coulson found her when it was all said and done, as the Shield med techs were finishing checking her out. She looked up at him with wide eyes, and she couldn’t help the slight shake that took her over. Before she knew what was happening, he held her, and was speaking softly to her. “You did good, Darcy. It’s okay to be afraid, this is nothing you were trained for. You get some down time after this, I think. This is more than any junior agent is expected to handle their first time in the field…”

 

He continued on, his comforting murmurs calming her shakes down. She took deep breaths, exhaustion taking over. She hadn’t really slept since this whole thing started. Right at that moment, pressed against Coulson felt like the safest, most comfortable place to rest.

 

So she did.

  

* * *

 

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Jane exclaimed, and Darcy couldn’t really blame her. She was seated across from her boss—former boss, in the old gas station lab, Coulson standing behind her, Barton on guard with a couple other agents outside.

 

“I really couldn’t. That’s kind of the whole point of undercover work Jane.”

 

“You, you’re twenty-one! How can you be working for them?!”

 

Darcy shrugged. “I’m younger than the average agent, yeah. But I was recruited early and trained well. This isn’t what we should be talking about though.”

 

“What should we be talking about then?”

 

“You.”

 

“Me? I’m not an undercover agent—”

 

“Your research.” Darcy cut her off. She really could understand why Jane was upset, but she hoped the woman would get past it. Over the past several months they had become friends, and she found that the idea of losing that friendship bothered her. “SHIELD is offering to fund your research. They want to pay you to do all of this stuff you do, to work on the Bifrost and getting Thor back. They’ll cover everything, including any other directions you want to branch off into.”

 

Jane had her arms crossed over her chest as she listened, eyeing Darcy and Coulson with suspicion. “What’s the catch?” she asked, and Darcy was proud of her for knowing there would be one.

 

“Your ability to publish would be limited,” Coulson took over. “SHEILD would require that you submit anything you want to publish for review. You may also be called on to work on other projects—no weapons.” He added when Jane opened her mouth to protest. “There would be a six month probationary period. In that time we don’t expect you to produce miracles but we do expect to see progress on the projects you work on.”

 

The scientist shook her head. “This all seems too good to be true.” At that, Coulson looked at Darcy, who took a deep breath. This was where she was really supposed to come in, where she was supposed to close the deal.

 

“Some days it is.” she agreed. “I am going to one of the most expensive schools in the country, and I am not paying a dime because SHIELD is footing the bill for this, and eventually for grad school. I would be up to my eyeballs in debt if not for this. Actually, my dad would be, because he wouldn’t have let me stress about the money. Most of the agents are good people and I’ve made friends. And Coulson is one of the good ones, Jane.” she paused, and Jane watched her. She could stop there. She could make SHEILD sound like sunshine and rainbows, but she knew that she couldn’t let anyone go blindly into this world. “There are absolutely days when it sucks. That whole Destroyer thing? I could’ve done without that.  There are going to be days when you really want to just go and collapse, yes even you Jane, and you won’t be able to because we’re all hands on deck and everyone is pulling double all nighters. You’re going to have to undergo basic defensive training and it is going to make your body ache. Other agents will get on your nerves and the gossip mill at a secret espionage focused agency? Just as good as you would think it is. And while it can be entertaining, you’ll wonder if you’re ever going to have a private moment again.”

 

She stopped, and her heart just kept racing ahead. She hadn’t meant to say all that, oh god what if it she said one con too many and it pushed Jane from maybe to no? Coulson would be so disappointed in her.

 

It felt like the silence stretched on, but Jane finally did speak, looking at Coulson. “I want Darcy working with me.”

 

“What—no you don’t Jane.” Darcy started. “I am by no means science division. They have real lab techs and interns there and it will be so much better than me—”

 

“We can arrange something where Darcy works with you part time. She has school to finish and she is still a field agent. However after this incident I do believe some time winding down in the labs would be beneficial.” Coulson said, landing a hand on Darcy’s shoulder and giving it a light squeeze.

 

“Deal.” Jane agreed with a smile.

  

* * *

 

 

“What just—what happened in there?” Darcy asked Coulson later, in his office after their debriefing.

 

“I do believe Doctor Foster used her leverage to get you on her team part time.”

 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Thank you Agent Obvious.”

 

“Was that not what you were asking?”

 

“No. Well, yes I guess. But I mean—” she stopped herself and sighed. “I mean, why put me somewhere where you know I’m likely to just goof around and hang out with Jane, even if it is only part time?”

 

A small smile was tugging at Coulson’s lips. “Because you’ve earned the right to have some down time on the clock occasionally. And Jane will make you work.”

 

“Not as much as you do.” She pointed out.

 

“That’s alright, I’ll be around. I’m still your boss.”

 

“Well that sounds ominous.”

 

“As it was meant to Agent Lewis.” And Darcy couldn’t help but burst out laughing at that. Just like that, it seemed as if all the pent up stress of the past few weeks came tumbling out of her in uncontrollable giggles. It was better than tears at least. She was very aware of Coulson’s presence, but couldn’t get herself to stop. It’d been so long since she’d laughed without forcing it at least a little. She was comfortable now. Things were safe, she wasn’t hiding who she was from people right in front of her, there were no alien gods of people with powers to make sense of, and in all honesty, this was Coulson. He made her feel safe.

 

He also understood. When she finally did calm down, her patted her shoulder. “Trust me Darcy, you are doing fantastic.”

 

“I never said I thought I wasn’t. I know I’m awesome.” She also knew how to put on a good front.

 

“I’m your handler. I know these things. So let me say this just once. You are just as strong and capable as Barton and Romanov and you always will be. You do not have nearly as much confidence in your skills as an agent as you should, but I have seen you face every situation that has been thrown at you with more composure than even some veteran agents. You may not know it, but you’re going to be one of SHIELD’s best one day. The kind of agent others are going to want to be like.”

 

“I lost it after the Destroyer.”

 

“So?”

 

Her eyes snapped up to look at him. At some point during his little speech they had traveled down to the carpet of his office. “So?” she asked back, a little shrilly. “You can’t say I’m going to be one of the best, that I’m going to be a Barton or a Romanov when I break down after missions or hell, when I get a bad phone call from my dad, or, or—”

 

“Or what, Agent Lewis? Even the best agents have their moments after missions, hell, even during missions. Barton lost it during a mission and brought home Romanov like a she was a lost puppy and not a deadly assassin. Romanov likes to play with her targets like a cat plays with mice, and mostly does everything completely opposite as how we tell her to handle things. And missing your family is not a weakness, it’s a strength you should value. It shows this working isn’t killing who you are at your core. You are a SHEILD agent Darcy. A damn good one, and you’re only getting better. You will not argue with me on this.”

 

She didn’t argue with him, mostly because he had done the extremely hard feat of leaving her basically speechless. There were plenty of times Darcy had argued with her superior. It was something Coulson, accepted, encouraged even. He’d long ago told her to never stop questioning things, which she appreciated, seeing as she questioned everything. He always acknowledged her arguments, even if he didn’t always agree with them. Never once had he told her there was something she could not argue with him on. And now he was and it _this_ he was pulling that card on. And, and…

 

It had her mind racing to places it had no place being.

 

* * *

 

 

At this point in her life, Darcy had learned to start expecting the improbable. But who the hell was supposed to expect the world’s first superhero to be discovered in ice long after his supposed death during World War II?

 

Needless to say Coulson was gleeful.

 

“You know,” she started, standing between Coulson and Barton in the observation room viewing the newly de-iced and sleeping Steve Rogers. “This is nice. After everything else, this is nice.”

 

Barton slung an arm around her shoulders. “New Mexico was nice.”

 

“New Mexico was fun. Not nice, fun. I still haven’t gotten my iPod back. That alone makes it not nice.” She gave Coulson a sidelong glance and he just sighed.

 

“As I have already told you Agent Lewis, there is paperwork you need to fill out to get your property back.”

 

“That sounds like work.” she complained. “Clint, Coulson is trying to make me work!”

 

“It’s really very simple paperwork.”

 

“Nothing in this place is ever simple Coulson.”

 

“Then perhaps you should purchase a new device.”

 

“I have a better idea. How about I get Captain Rogers in there to sign your cards once he wakes up? We all know you’ll be rendered speechless in his presence, so I’d be helping!” she grinned while he just shook his head at her. If one knew nothing else about Coulson, they knew at least about his love of Captain America. And about his full set of vintage cards. And now Captain America was alive, was _here_ , and Darcy wished she’d been able to see the look on Coulson’s face when he was informed on this situation. She imagined it had been a look of pure joy, and she wanted to see that look on him.

 

It probably wasn’t completely kosher that she so very badly wanted to see that look, but the desire was there nonetheless.

 

* * *

 

The Tesseract. It. Ruined. Everything. Along with Loki, who apparently strived to be the reason they couldn’t have anything nice.

 

Darcy would like to say that she’d handled the order to go with Jane to Tromso with Pepper Potts caliber poise but that would’ve been a bold faced lie. She’d been angry, and she’d done nothing to hide it. More like she’d barely restrained herself from screaming her displeasure.

 

“You can’t send me to Norway Coulson. Not now, not with everything going on.”

 

“Someone has to look after Jane, and she’ll be safest with you.”

 

“Make a rookie do that. I’ve done my babysitting duties. Seriously, who do you think is going to target Jane with what’s going on here?”

 

That was when he’d decided to list organizations and individuals who Darcy could admit would love to get their hands on Jane and were very likely to use the distraction of current events to their advantage. He was only on number six when she finally said “Okay, I get the point. Not a rookie then. But not me. One of Sitwell’s people can do it, they’re almost as good as your people.” [Not too far into the future she would be very glad he didn’t do this, all things considered, but at that moment she hadn’t known]

 

“Do you want someone who’s only ‘almost’ as good as you watching your best friend?” Coulson asked her seriously, and damn it, he always had to go and be right.

 

“I’ll be useless in Norway.” she tried weakly anyway, even though he’d already won. “You need as much help here as possible. Barton’s been compromised, you’re down an agent on your team.”

 

“But we all know my agents are as good as three when I need them to be. Even with just Agent Romanov here I am sure everything will be fine. Director Fury has us gathering outside help. I need you taking care of Dr. Foster Darcy. She trusts you and I trust you to do whatever you need to get the job done.”

 

For a moment she was silent. Then reluctantly she nodded. Her job was all about doing things she didn’t always like, but had to do. Darcy simply reminded herself this was a part of being another gear in the machine that pushed for the greater good.

 

Of course that reminder wouldn’t work so well later on. It would in fact do very little to console her.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Natasha and Clint who told her, and that was exactly how it should be. She could show weakness in front of them. Had it been anyone else she would’ve been forced to keep herself in check. And with this news, she wasn’t sure that was something she could actually do.

 

Plus, they both _knew_ , despite the fact that she’d never verbalized it to either of them, they knew. That’s because these two were her immediate family, while the rest of SHIELD would forever feel like those distant cousins she only saw because she had to on holidays. Nothing against them, but they had nothing on those who lived in the Coulson Bubble. Or who used to live in that bubble. Or, hell, she wasn’t even sure anymore. All she did knew was that Clint and Natasha knew exactly how she felt, didn’t think her foolish for it, and hurt just as much over this loss.

 

Darcy wanted to kill Loki, and would’ve made a valiant attempt if her weren’t already off planet.

 

As it was, she put in to have herself taken out of the rotation for awhile, and it was allowed. It wasn’t even looked at as that odd, there were several people doing the same. And she still stayed on Jane’s science team, which was more than some. They went to London, where Jane dove head first into her science to distract herself and Darcy dove head first into meddling with Jane’s life to distract herself. It mildly irritated her friend, but Jane allowed it, Darcy suspected it was because she knew how much Darcy was trying focus on something, anything other than her loss.

 

They’d talked about it, sort of. Darcy had been drunk, so it was kind of a blur. All she knew was that Jane tread very carefully when it came to that subject, which Darcy was grateful for.

 

Then, for a little while she was magically distracted. Because once again Thor and some alien shit she _was never trained for_ was threatening everything they had. Darcy found herself falling back into her SHEILD persona pretty damn quickly. Jane and Thor were off in Asgard, Erik was so very lost [it was pretty hard not to lose it at this, but she kept her shit together] and Ian was there and kind of cute but kind of in the way but there nonetheless. There was a large part of Darcy that hoped Loki would show his face during all of this just so she could smash it in, but he didn’t.

 

In the end she managed to keep it together long enough to save the world again, and kiss Ian, wherever the hell that had come from. She might’ve been on leave, but she also managed to contact SHIELD and file a report on the events. Of course after that, Natasha contacted her right back.

 

“Come to New York.” she said. “Stark already has a place at his tower for Thor and anyone he might bring along with him, and they’re moving Steve down to DC and me right along with him.”

 

“So you want a new SHEILD agent in the tower watching over Stark.”

 

“Not totally. Clint’s still there. But you know how he’s been. And it wouldn’t just be Stark. It would be Banner and Thor, too.”

 

“There are plenty of other agents who would jump at this chance, Natasha.” Way more than Darcy could ever count off on her hand.

 

On the other end of the like, the Russian laughed. “And Stark would never let any of them step foot here.”

 

“Are you saying he wouldn’t know I’m SHIELD?”

 

“Oh no, he just is more willing to give you a chance because you come attached to Thor and Jane and you were on the same team as Clint and I. And he can sorta tolerate people from our team. He really wants to pick Jane’s brain too and I’ve already informed him that you two are a package deal.”

 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “We’re not though. Jane is free to go wherever she wants without me in tow.”

 

Again, a laugh. “You two have been a package deal since she forced SHIELD to let you play lab with her as part of their deal to get her on board, if not since New Mexico.”

 

And to that, Darcy wasn’t sure what to say, since Natasha was right. It was a bad habit of hers really. Darcy wished she would stop. “I’ll talk to Jane and Thor and think about it, okay?”

 

Natasha agreed, because she knew that was the best she was going to get. Darcy very much still hurt, and that was thousands of miles away from the place that she associated with her pain. She couldn’t very well avoid a whole city the rest of her life though, could she? Especially not when one of SHEILD’s major bases was there. No, she really couldn’t. What she could do was talk to Jane and Thor and get their views on the matter. And if they chose New York she would go. She would cope. She would apply to and start grad school, continuing to fulfill the deal she’d made what felt like so long ago.

 

And maybe, she would finally start piecing herself back together.  

 

* * *

 

 

Of course they wanted to go, Darcy had known they would. Thor was eager to see his ‘might Shield-Brothers’ and Jane was practically drooling at the idea of getting access to Tony Stark’s resources for science. They were the only thing that could rival SHIELD’s after all.

 

Darcy accepted this and did her very best to go with the flow. Her very, goddamned, best.

 

Of course, Darcy’s best did not account for Tony Stark. More specifically, Tony Stark and his big ass memorial wall of those lost in the Battle of New York. Even more specifically, Tony Stark and the spot of honor he made for Phillip J. Coulson on his big ass memorial wall. Darcy was confronted with it in the lobby on the day she, Jane, Thor, and Erik were moving in. One moment things were going relatively well, the second she’s looking at this picture of Coulson and this little plaque calling him a hero and—

 

And the world spun. And her lungs constricted and her body shook and she just couldn’t hold it together. Not when directly confronted with it, and this was about as direct as she could get.

 

Luckily Clint was there, and he easily slipped past the people around the lobby to slip an arm around her shoulders. She jumped a bit but he made soothing noises, which she only partially heard. She let him guide her away, though the damage was already done. He got her in an elevator and told Stark’s AI to take them up to his floor. Darcy didn’t object, she still didn’t have the breath to even if she wanted.

 

She was proud of herself for holding back the tears until they got off the elevator, not so proud of the fact that her knees buckled out from under her. She couldn’t stop it though. She’d put off the tears, even when she’d been told originally. She’d let herself hurt, but she didn’t let herself cry. Crying made it all real; it meant she had to accept she was gone, and though she’d never admit it, she’d been holding out for Coulson’s final move. The last trick up his sleeve that meant he got to live. More than six months after the fact, she had to accept that no trick existed. And that realization hurt more than she ever expected it to.

 

Clint simply picked her up and moved her to the couch. He sat with her and let her get tears all over his shirt with only some complaining. And of course the complaints were only said to try and get a smile out of her. Of course Darcy wasn’t in the mood to smile.

 

When it was all said and done, she withdrew. “Sorry.” she mumbled, eyeing his shirt.   

 

“Hey, no apologies.” he said easily. “We all hate Tony’s wall. You’re not alone kid.”

 

She made a strangled noise she thought might be her attempt at a laugh. “Can I taze him for it?” she asked hoarsely. “Just a little?” she continued when he shook his head.

 

“You only get one chance to tazer him, you wouldn’t want to use it so early. Trust me, you haven’t met him yet. He’ll give you ten reasons to do it within the first hour.”

 

“That bad, huh.”

 

“He calls me Merida.” She snorted and struggled to keep a straight face. “Go ahead and laugh. I’ll be laughing when he names you whatever he names you.”

 

“It’s Tony Stark. It will almost certainly be about my breasts. He may have Pepper Potts now but there will always be ways in which a tiger won’t change their stripes.”

 

Clint laughed and nodded in agreement with her.

 

For a few minutes they just sat on the couch together in silence. Clint was the one to break it. “So, how was London?” he asked, as if he didn’t know full well how it was.

 

Darcy shrugged. “You saw the report.”

 

A smile ticked up the edges of his lips. “Yes,” he drawled. “But I was thinking in terms of your life outside of saving the world. Did you make any friends?”

 

“No mom, I didn’t it.” she said sarcastically. “I was playing with Jane and I don’t like sharing her with the other kids. I did get an intern though, that was fun for a little while. Then I kissed him and things got weird. Also, Erik keeps taking his pants off so I’m just going to apologize in advance if he walks past you pantsless or naked. We’re working on it. We’re gonna try kilts on him.”

 

Clint gave her a look with a slow blink. “You kissed someone?” he asked. She nodded. “Well where is he?”

 

“Not here. It was a rebound kiss. Which I feel shitty about. He understood though. I think I was a bit too much for him anyway. I’m kind of crazy and if you haven’t heard, I do this thing where I find myself in the middle of terrible situations that are on their way to causing mass destruction, but I never know how I get there.”

 

“I think you just described all of SHEILD’s personnel, Darcy.”

 

“Coulson didn’t have that problem.” And there, she’d done it. She’d brought Coulson into a conversation without being drunk or needing someone else to do it first. Her throat only seized a little. “He always expected the weird stuff to happen, and he pushed himself to the middle of it.”

 

“Yeah, but if you’ll notice, the three agents he primarily handled were the three in SHIELD most likely to get in the kind of trouble you describe.”

 

“I think Natasha would disagree with that statement.”

 

“Tasha can complain all she wants. That won’t change what happened in Budapest, which proves my point exactly.”

 

She smiled slightly. “Barton?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thanks.”

  

* * *

 

 

Of course Clint had been right. It was very hard to resist the urge to taze Tony Stark. Darcy had also been right, that his name focus would be on her chest. He took to calling her Triple D, which really, she thought was a little uninspired. Despite that though, Darcy could see he was for the most part a good guy. Everyone in the Tower was really.

 

Thor, Jane, Clint and Erik were a given when it came to her opinion. Tony, as said before, annoying at time, but a fairly decent person. The reclusive Dr. Banner had a quiet charm she was sure he wasn’t even aware of. Captain Rogers was only there for about a week before he moved down to DC, but what a courteous week that had been. Pepper Potts was probably best described as what Darcy wanted to be when she grew up if she couldn’t grow up to be Natasha, and she still wasn’t ruling that out as unattainable, so.

 

All in all, she was happy. Happier than she’d been in months. She was back to actively reporting to SHIELD, and her assignment had been officially switched to Avengers liaison. And it felt right. She started grad school at NYU and when she wasn’t in class she played with superheroes. There were very few people who could call something like this their life. She was glad to be one of them.

 

* * *

 

The next turning point in her life was when SHIELD fell.  

 

Clint found her in the gym, kicking the shit out of a heavy bag. She had ear buds in, so needless to say she struck out when he plucked one from her ear, surprised by her unexpected company. He easily caught her arm and got her to stand down. “What the hell, Barton?!” she demanded.

 

“If I were a hostile you’d be dead right now.” he said flatly. “I’ve told you about training with your back to the entrance and headphones in like that. It leaves you open for attack.”

 

“And I’ve told you I’m not a trainee anymore. You and Natasha can’t just come out of nowhere and attack me like you guys do to the baby agents. And the only way a real hostile is ever going to get in here is if Tony Stark invites them over to play and we know Pepper says no to all of his attempts at having play dates.” She turned to go back to hitting the bag, but Clint caught her by the shoulder and spun her back to look at him.

 

“Or if the hostile is disguised as someone who would be let into the Tower, or any other place you would train.” he kept that serious ton, which made Darcy pause before responding, because clearly this wasn’t just some arbitrary argument he was trying to have with her.

 

“….Is something wrong?” she asked carefully.

 

“Everyone is meeting up in the conference room. You need to be there too.”

 

“What’s happening?” he was already heading for the door, and she followed swiftly after him. Of course she would’ve preferred to get out of her sweaty workout clothes, but she could tell this wasn’t the kind of thing that could wait until she did that. They got into one of the elevators and Clint still hadn’t spoken. “Clint, what’s going on?” she asked again, with more urgency. She didn’t like this.

 

“SHEILD is compromised.”

 

“What part of SHIELD?”

 

“All of it.”

 

The elevator stopped and he stepped off. It took Darcy a moment to shake off her surprise and follow him. She had to jog a bit to catch up. “What does that even mean? All of SHEILD can’t be compromised. That’s impossible, we’re too huge.”

 

But he didn’t say anything else until they got to the conference room. Apparently this was an Avengers and Darcy only meeting, because Jane and Erik were nowhere in sight, nor was Pepper, though Darcy knew she currently was in town. They were only missing Steve and Natasha, who were still both down in DC. The number of people went down when Natasha came up on the huge screen in the room.

 

And then it was all explained. What she and Steve happened upon, the loss of the director, Alexander Pierce, Project Insight, all of it. And that they were going to stop it but everyone had to stay where they were. There was mass objection to that, but Natasha overruled them all. It felt wrong. So so wrong, but the listened, though everyone was geared up _just in case_ after she disconnected. And they all stayed gathered close.

 

They had the news before any of the news stations, because _Tony Stark._ Natasha and Steve had been victorious, of course they had. And Darcy already knew she needed to get down to DC to help with clean up.

 

“I’m coming with you.” Clint told her and she packed a duffle bag. Darcy shook her head.

 

“Now is not the time for another Avenger to leave the clubhouse Barton. SHEILD has a huge presence here. There is going to be fall out, and you guys are going to have the fun task of sorting through it. I’m a clean-up girl and we all know it. So you stay here and handle whatever comes up, I’ll go make sure DC gets cleared up.”

 

“That’s a lot of work for one girl.”

 

She looked at him over her shoulder and grinned. “I’ll get by. I always do.”

 

* * *

  

In DC, Darcy met up with Steven and Natasha, but they were already on their way to other things, as she was well aware they would be. Natasha was able to point her in the direction of some people would could help her work towards some sort of clean-up effort.

 

To say it was a mess was to put it lightly. And Darcy had no idea how she became the head of a patched together group of (former) SHEILD agents looking to do something, anything to help in this aftermath. Most she’d never met before, but they’d heard of her anyway, which was kind of unnerving. She tried to remind herself that she’d been a part of the Coulson Bubble, and it wasn’t her in particular, it was her group. It didn’t comfort her much.

 

SHEILD was defunct now, so it didn’t feel like they could do a hell of a lot, but at the same time, Darcy knew they kind of were, sifting through debris and helping out at the hospitals and shelters set up. They had a bit of pull, with Darcy having the Avengers at her back, but she didn’t want to call upon that if she didn’t have to. That was for if some other government agency got it in their mind that Darcy and her new crew needed to be detained for some ridiculous reason. It was, after all, happening to SHEILD agents all over.

 

Darcy kept in touch with the Avengers, and more closely with Clint and Natasha, who were all playing find the Hydra hideouts, a game that was proving to be tiring for everyone. It seemed like every SHEILD base had a Hydra splinter wedged into it, and that just didn’t seem like it should be possible.

 

She tried not to focus too much on it, and rather on the task at hand, because she knew there was nothing she could really do. She couldn’t fix everything, but one thing was better than nothing.

 

* * *

 

Then Nick Fury came to see her.

 

Darcy pulled a gun on him, and she wasn’t even ashamed. He shouldn’t have been in her apartment [well, it was Natasha’s, but Nat was letting Darcy use it for the time being while she was in DC so Darcy didn’t have to rent a place], nor should he have been sitting at the table leisurely drinking a coffee.  Even when she recognized him she didn’t lower her weapon. “You’re dead.” she stated calmly.

 

He eyed her, or she assumed he did, since he was wearing his sunglasses despite being indoors. “Yes I am. You keep telling people that, Lewis.”

 

Finally she let her arms fall slowly, though  she stayed tensed. “Well, why the hell are you haunting this place? I’m sure there are far more fun places you could be.”

 

“Thought I should let you know I like how you’re handling things.”

 

Before [that was how Darcy though of things now, before the fall of SHIELD and after, and it made her sad how quickly she’d been able to sort things like that] Darcy had never had many interactions with the Director, but she knew compliments from him were rare. And it made her proud to be receiving one now, despite the fact that he was no longer her highest superior. “Thank you, sir.”

 

He waved a hand, shrugging. “You’re just the kind of person he’s going to want.”

 

“He? He who? Want for what?”

 

Fury slid a piece of paper that was in front of him across the table. Darcy took it, looking down to see what was clearly coordinates. “Going there will answer your questions.” he told her.

 

“You want me to go in somewhere blind?” she asked, disbelief filling her voice. “I know you’re dead, but even the dead know what’s happening right now, and it is not good. I’m guessing this is some SHEILD base, which means I could walk in here and be walking into a hornet’s nest.”

 

“No, you won’t be, this place is safe.”

 

“Well, how about you tell me what’s there and I can make that choice for myself?” Darcy had always known she must be some kind of crazy, but the way she was talking back to Fury confirmed it.

 

Fury laughed, shaking his head and standing. He walked towards her. “Let’s just say, I’m not the only dead guy walking around Lewis.” he said as he brushed passed her. By the time she turned, he was already gone.

 

Not the only dead guy walking around. Darcy knew logically, with SHEILD, that could mean so many things. Nonetheless, her heart rate picked up and her stomach did flips. She looked down again at the paper in her hand. She had to know.

 

* * *

 

She went in with gun drawn, and was promptly out number. There were three, but only two of them pulled guns. Darcy would’ve liked those odds—she’d trained with Clint after all –but while one of them she didn’t know, a tall man with steady hands, the other was the Calvary. Darcy knew she could be good, but she wasn’t that good.

 

Still, because she was a special kind of stubborn, she stood her ground. She stood her ground, and took a leap of faith. “I was sent here.” she said steadily, eyeing the three. “I want to see Phil Coulson.”

 

“Who the hell are you?” the third, a young brunette with dark eyes demanded. Darcy only looked at her for a second before looking at Agent May and locking eyes with the older woman.

 

“Put your weapon down, Lewis.” May ordered, because of course they’d crossed paths before.

 

Darcy shook her head. “Not until I see Coulson.” she said.

 

“You can’t see him until you put the gun down.” And Darcy almost cried at that. He was here! He was alive. He wasn’t gone anymore.

 

“I’m tired May. It took me an unreasonably long time to get here and I’m hungry and I have spent the last three weeks cleaning up DC and I’m not HYDRA but I’m also not putting down this gun so the sooner you let me see him the sooner it will be put away.”

 

“We have no way of knowing if what you’re saying is true.” that was the man speaking. Darcy didn’t even looking at him, and continued to address May.

 

“It was Coulson who recruited me. It was Coulson who’s team I was on. I work with the freaking Avengers. I’m not Hydra. Just, let me see him. Please.” she couldn’t help the bit of pleading that leaked into her voice. She wanted this so badly, had wanted this for a year now.

 

For several minutes they stood in standoff. Everyone was seemingly waiting for May to make a choice. When she did, lowering her weapon, Darcy nearly cried in relief. She even lowered her own gun, despite her statement that she would keep it aimed until she was allowed to see Coulson.

 

They led her through the underground base, May keeping her eyes ahead while the girl and guy kept glancing at Darcy. Darcy paid them no mind, because right now, they weren’t important.

 

They came to a door where May had to scan a card before it would open. She only took half a step inside, so Darcy couldn’t really follow, but she moved after a moment and let Darcy see the best thing she’d seen in a long time.

 

He stood from his desk but stayed behind it and watched her. “Thank you May. It’s alright, you three can go back to doing whatever you were before. And just like that they were gone and the door was closing shut behind them. Darcy could hear the girl who she didn’t know questioning what just happened on the other side, and she wasn’t completely sure when she’d stepped inside. But she had, and now she was alone with him. Coulson.

 

“Let me guess, Fury?” he asked wryly, stepping around the desk. She nodded wordlessly as he came closer. “Are you okay Darcy?”

 

What happened next, she couldn’t really explain beyond it was an uncontrollable urge she had to satisfy. He was in reach, stopping with only a foot or so of space between them. He had to have seen it coming, but he didn’t stop her when she reached out and slapped him across the face.

 

Aside from the sound of the slap, the room fell quite. Coulson stood there for a moment, hand on the cheek he hit. Finally he said, “I’ll take that as a no.”

 

“You sent me away! You told me everything would be okay and then you died! And now you’re alive, and you didn’t even tell me! Or Clint or Natasha! Stark built a fucking memorial wall and I’m ninety-six percent sure he did it just so you could have place of honor!” She lost the fight with the tears that had been threatening to fall for awhile now as she ran out of steam. Her emotions were fighting within her, and now that she was done hitting and yelling, she wasn’t sure what to do next. “SHEILD’s gone.” she whispered after a few moment, tears streaming down her cheeks.

 

It wasn’t until now that she realized how much that hurt her. Almost as much as losing Coulson. The majority of Darcy’s adult life and identity had been defined but the organization. It was part of home for her, and just like that, home was gone. In a year, she’d lost the person she loved, no matter that she’d never told him, and she’d lost home. How had she even managed to push through after the whole Hydra debacle? Where the hell had that strength come from?

 

“You’re thinking too hard, Darcy.” Coulson’s soft words broke through her thoughts. She blinked, looking up at him. “I’m sorry. There was a very specific list of people who were allowed to know what happened.

 

“I needed you.” she whispered.

 

“No, you didn’t. I’ve kept track Darcy, and by my count you’ve done fine. Yes, you have.” he added on when she shook her head hard.

 

He wasn’t getting it, and Darcy couldn’t take it anymore. She just couldn’t.

 

She kissed him. She clenched her eyes shut and let her hands fist in his suit jacket until they were both sinking into it and his hands were on her waist and their bodies pressed together and it was just _right_.

 

“I’m twice your age.” he mumbled against her lips, Darcy wasn’t sure how long they’d been kissing at this point.

 

“More than, actually.” she mumbled back, pushing forward because goddamn it, he was not going to ruin this with his stupid logic. Of course, he just pulled back, giving her a stern look. She groaned, knowing this meant they were going to have to talk about this. “I have wanted this for a really long time Coulson, please.”

 

“I’m you’re superior.”

 

“Not anymore.” she objected. “There is no SHEILD.”

 

“We’re rebuilding it. Fury made me director.”

 

That… that seemed right in Darcy’s mind. She could see no better person in the position. But still. “Who says I’ll join back up? If you’re going to use it as an excuse for us not to be an us, I won’t. Stark offered me a job. I can take that.”

 

“This is bigger than us.”

 

She shook her head. “No it’s not. Not to me.”

 

“You don’t mean that.”

 

“I absolutely do.” she said, reaching up to touch his cheek. “I’ve never been as good as you Phil. I’m selfish. I want you and I’m willing to back out of being a part of SHIELD again to have that. I’ve given so much, this is not something else that just ends up on that list. I won’t let it be.” tears were pricking at the corner of her eyes again. “I don’t care how older you are, where you work, where I work, what mistakes we’ve made in the past. You’ve always been important Phil. You’ve always been what I needed.” she moved in to kiss him again, and this time he didn’t pull away.

 

* * *

 

 

She wanted to call Natasha and Clint, and he only objected a little before he let her. She just had to agree not to tell them over the phone he was alive.

 

“Darcy? Where the hell have you been kid?” Clint asked when he picked up.

 

She didn’t waste time getting to the point. “I’m going to give you some coordinates Clint. I want you to bring Natasha and the rest of the team here. It is super important.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine, really. I’m fantastic. I just really need you all to come here.” she rattled off the coordinates. “Come as soon as possible.”

 

When she hung up with him, she turned to look at Coulson, who had a bemused look on his face. “Just Barton and Romanov, hmm?”

 

“Stark built you a memorial wall. A wall Phil. I hate that wall and I need your picture taken down from it now.”

 

His smile faltered at the reminder of everything that happened in the last year. “I’m sorry, Darcy.”

 

Darcy sighed, going to sit next to him. “I’m not going to lie. I’m still pretty angry.” she said honestly. “But I’ll get past it. I just thought… I thought I was never going to get you back. I was so sure I wasn’t, because you were in the one place I couldn’t go to get you. That’s not true now though, and you can’t imagine how happy I am. Just, don’t do it again. Ever.” She leaned against him, and he put an arm around her.

 

“I won’t.” He promised, pressing a kiss to her forehead.


End file.
